everything affects everything. the united stance of the one is inherently a product of the other. there is no cold until the opposite is observed. i know myself only by the comparison and observations of another. hence why we are; why we exist; why a state of being and consciousness is integrated into this previous void.

and so i cry! i weep! i shed tears and tears and tears because i forgot. I had become so far from myself, so extremely bitter because love hadn't been enough. my prolonged efforts to show one my affections through observation, efforts to provide comparison, efforts to illustrate were wasted. and these tears are not for love lost or love gained or love equaled, but more so in remembrance that I am what I am because of what was. And what a sad picture! A beautiful young female who evolves at an astounding rate in life, but not in love. I shut the door after failed attempts. The first was 5 years of longing then failure, the next a soul mate matched by the universes only to be stolen by a possessive wife and un-knowing children, and the next...? There is no next, because I deceased. I died. I held out and off. fulfilling only the most basic animal needs through spirits and grindings.

the truth? I was once an apple of an eye, and for the first few days of meeting a beautiful stranger i see that re-creation.
the truth? I want to be an all and an everything to a someone.
the truth? I don't take the slightest of a slight in action to allow that to occur.

is it fear? perhaps.
is it distrust? maybe.
is it sad? absolutely. and it must change. because who i am is immaculately incredible! I am woman. I am beauty. I am all.
I just need to remember.
and it's coming back to me.

and so I weep.